You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
