Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
