i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
