So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize