oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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