you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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