the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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