This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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