I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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