Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
