How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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