I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
