I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
