I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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