I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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