It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
