Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this