then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
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Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize