They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
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You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
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Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub