i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that