if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
sex in a hospital.. check
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