just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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