I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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