i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
