was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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