It's Friday. Sex?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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