margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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