I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
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I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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