have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
