I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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