Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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