i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
