can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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