we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
