oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
