I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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