The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
