Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
