My hand turned me down
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
