WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
