apparently the secret to your success is patron
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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