She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
