none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
