I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
