I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
