can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
But theres a keg here and me gusta
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
