I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
