i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
