are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
