Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
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I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
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Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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