Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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