Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
