I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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