if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
