I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
