i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
