Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We talked him into tasing himself.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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