Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
