is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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