I hate all girls vehemently.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
