u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
