Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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