i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
