God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
