No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Randomize
