$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
