Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
