Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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