dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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