Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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