I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
