Umm I'm too high to move.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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